So Paul managed to get a job for two or three days. It was through a friend and it was office removals and I was very jelly that he was getting some income. Paul didn't like to discuss everything he did in the work day but he did tell me the story of how the big man who hired extra hands, let's call him big R, saw a woman walking down the street and thought she was hot and thus decided calling to her from the lorry cab was the wise thing to do. He was shouting for her number but she didn't reply and then Paul was asked to hold out a sign with the question for her number, to which she stuck up her finger, not the middle one but the one with a ring on it.
So we're not talking about the most ideal work here but it was still moneh at the end of the day so I was jelly... then one day Paul comes back and says its a four man day tomorrow and that he suggested my name... not to get caught up in it I was humble and unabashed but then it was more confirmed and then I was there at seven the next day waiting with two other chaps. We waited but then nothing happened for an hour and we all felt sleepy and bored. Then there was a text and we were to expect him in half an hour, only one hour and a half late so not that bad. Anyway as you can imagine things aren't going to smooth out and in fact they are going to get very worse as we dive into the unprofessional to all but the clients.
Big R arrives outside and we walk up to the lorry, a white lorry with nothing printed on it. I had been encouraged to believe that I would be sitting in the back of the cab but in fact I found myself in the middle at the front. In said cab there were a lot of bottles, I mean so many bottles. There were water bottles and pop bottles and they were all empty. There must have been over ten in the cab and we had to wade through them to sit down. Then we started off and headed up to the freeway and if I'm honest I have no idea how we got on to the freeway because I'd gone that way myself and not been able to figure it out, anyway we headed up to North Beach. This is where things started to go awary as big R wasn't the best person to trust with your safety. First he picked up a map while driving and handed it to Paul to find an address and then when he'd done that and handed it back to him so that big R knew where to go he put the thing right in front of his eyes as he was driving at 100kph on the freeway and swerved into the other lane, then regained control and looked in his mirror and luckily there hadn't been anything in that lane. Once on that road he couldn't look in the side mirror because we were sitting in the way, which is just rich because where else are we supposed to go?
Then we managed to arrive at the place and bounded out. This is where I discover big R's no fools policy, oh and he loves to invent fools in the most simple ways possible. First of all we went to the back of the lorry and two of them opened the doors. Then big R got me to help him fix the ram... bear in mind here in case you didn't already know, I'd never done this before. It pulls out from under the doors and then you lift it into place on two bolts at the top. So here I was having no idea we're even pulling out a ramp and he's like put your hand there! And I'm like why is he so angry we haven't even done anything yet. Something you'll come to discover about big R is that he is the opposite of humble and everything is someone else's fault, there's no way he could have done anything better. So instead of explaining what I was supposed to be doing he just stood there shouting calm orders at me like 'hold the ramp' and then getting more angry when I held it wrong... this was just the beginning! O_O
So I was holding it wrong and he'd rather tell me off after I'd done that than he telling me to watch how he was doing it so I could copy it. He was about half a metre from the lorry end and holding the ramp by two hands half a metre or more apart, so I copied that and then we brought it up to the peg holes... only I didn't know these were there and I missed them and he complained at that too instead of telling me about the holes. Then the work began and seeing as I hadn't been told to do anything I kind of just stood there. We were all wearing bright orange vests which was odd and mine was too big. Big R told us to 'look fresh' but straight away I had no idea how you were supposed to do that. I mean a piece of fruit will look fresh if its been covered in water but for us that would just make us look wet.
So we enter the house and look at what rooms need to be moved, oh yeah we're helping someone move house today. There were two little girls there and they were heavily interested in the new ness of it all. Something that bothered me a little was that they weren't afraid at all of four tall male strangers entering their house in bright orange... that would have at least troubled me as a kid.
So after seeing the rooms we were expected to move the things but seeing as I hadn't been told what to do I just stood there and was shouted at again and he told me that as a new guy I was supposed to just follow him and help him out where ever he needed it but like once again he tells me this after the telling off. So we got to work and I started by helping big R move some two man stuff together. I don't even remember what I was told off for mostly at this point but there were many things. I wasn't holding things the right way, something he decided on after I'd picked it up. I felt that if he had such a problem with the way I was doing things he should explain them before we got under way, other wise it's just a waste of time. I remember needing a drink real bad and that my shoulder was peeling so I needed to put a shirt on underneath, peeling from the beach on the previous Saturday. I was told I stank so he threw me some deodorant. As it turned out the house was only really half ready to be moved and we spent a long time moving small loads and some pictures. Eventually we'd filled up the truck and were ready to move out. I got into the car with the grandmother who was there over looking the house moving and we would lead to the next house. She started off and realised that we weren't being followed closely so she slowed right now. Then the truck gained and the lady asked me how long I'd been working there and I told her it was my first day... and right away I knew I shouldn't have said that. But in truth I don't lie so what was I going to answer? Everyone has a first day anyway.
So the new house was very close, about 400 metres away, and we looked on in wonder. This house was amazing. Large windows and very spacious it made you think of the houses you see in the movies when they try to pretend everyone lives like that. Needless to say I felt out of place and I must admit that it didn't feel right that I was helping strangers move house instead of moving into a house myself at this age but maybe I'm not thinking this through properly. So I was told off for more things again I think but big R found himself doing other things at this time and I stayed far away from him. I managed to get drinks while he wasn't around and things started to actually turn into a normal working day, except that I was madly hungry as I hadn't eaten all day and because I hadn't eaten properly for the last three days. So when a subway appeared I was very keen to take a bite. We were working well and quickly and managed to finish emptying the truck in no time. We went back for more and were told off more and more about things we couldn't help. There was a fridge full of wines, some expensive, and we were told to carry it and we couldn't, so we got the trolley and then we were told off for using that and told to carry it and we couldn't and we were told off for that and told to use the trolley and Paul was steaming. Big R continued to be vague in order to tell us off. He told our other worker friend to lay a blanket down on the floor so the next piece coming in wouldn't get damaged and then when they brought it in he just suddenly started saying 'kick it' and we were all massively stumped over what he was talking about and finally he managed to mention the carpet and strangely enough as soon as he knew what to do he did it. There was much pointing and going 'this', 'that' and 'there' which really didn't help. Big R decided for himself that everyone responds to criticism instead of praise and I'm fiercely the opposite so that wasn't good. There was a kids play house we couldn't dismantle and were told off for wasting time. He told us we wasted twenty minutes wrestling with the ramp one time when it was less than 30 seconds and because we were being shouted at we couldn't calmly decide on what the problem was. Anyway we finished two lorry loads and were given beer... that's right.
We hadn't finished the day yet and here we were drinking beer. To be honest I have my own reservations about what to think but its quite clear to all of us where this is going. Big R guzzled the stuff like it was going out of fashion. We had two packs of six between four of us and while we were driving for a final third load he guzzled two bottles as if they were water. So now we had to contend with a very energetic big R while doing the last bit and trust me this wasn't pleasant, but I was tired and used to it by then and just got on with it. This is where I discovered that the starter motor was gone and we had to push the truck to get the engine going and then jump in before he left us. When we got the ramp out that time he told us off for holding it wrong when it was exactly the same way he'd done it that morning. Finally that job finished and in true sod's law style we had some other job that we had to make. So after burning down the highway without a seat belt, there just wasn't one, and watching big R drink more water that was actually beer, we turned down a right hand road we almost missed and drive up and parked on a road that said no stopping.
This house... hmm... well it was full of lesbians... apparently. I don't know if they were but they were all butch. Big R got into a fight with one of them who was drunk and patronising and we were taunted from the balcony as we loaded their really unprepared stuff into the lorry, luckily they didn't spit or drop beer on us. I was told to take small stuff and then suddenly, literally by grabbing the scruff of my neck, I was asked something about this bed in the room they were in. He goes something like 'can you dismantle this bed?' and seeing as it wasn't what I'd been told to do I just thought he was being funny and wasting time so I was like 'yeah, but it needs an alan key'. Then he got angry for some reason and was like 'break this bed down' and I didn't understand and then he decided to reveal the tool box and they left me to it. I immediately found a right sized alan key and broke the bed down in what I thought was quite a quick time. Then I sought his advice and he angrily, as if I should have known what to do, told me to tape things together and I said I had no tape and luckily he didn't get angry at that and instead told me there was tape in the cab. This is where he told a lady he couldn't do anything if she only said 'that' instead of a name and I was tempted to express my concern at his hypocrisy.
So then we finally left and it was night time. This is when we were driving and he told us about how he always looked out for police because his vehicle wasn't licensed... and he was drunk so he should avoid breath tests. At the end of the day we didn't get paid either and luckily the next day some cash appeared but I was only paid for ten hours... something about me being sloppy at the start of the day which is bollocks because that is when I lifted two person things with him o_O but I was glad for the money... even if my arms still ache today and I can't open them out properly!
This is me looking silly in an orange vest:
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